Minisode 01 - Battle of the Cryptids! Hopkinsville Goblins vs Altamaha-ha

We are so excited to release our very first minisode! This is a new series we are calling Battle of the Cryptids! We randomly selected two creatures from the anywhere in the world to duke it out in a knock-down, drag out, anything goes match to see who comes out victorious. Two of the guys will take the corners of the contenders, each arguing their creature's strengths and why it would win in a head-to-head battle. Whoever is not arguing for a fighter will be the referee/judge and will listen to the back and forth, then determine and declare a victor!

STOP! INSIDE JOKES AHEAD! If you haven’t gotten to listen to the episode yet, spoiler alert! This post contains lots of stuff that will make waaay more sense if you listen to the episode before or while reading. So if you haven’t already, pump the brakes and listen to the episode or just click above to play so that you can be in on all the shenanigans to follow!

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Produced by Peter Woodward

Let's Learn About Our Fighters!

Altamaha-ha

Stats:

Origin: GA, US; aka “Serpent of the Altamaha River” or “Altie”; centuries old Native American tale; first non-native sighting 1830, last reported 2010

Size: 20-30ft, as much as 70ft

Description: green or gray with yellow underbelly, snake-like, crocodile-like snout, bony ridge along its back, front flippers, no back legs, large eyes, large sharp teeth; swims like a dolphin; hisses

Abilities: swimming, attacks boats when approached, massive strong tail, elusive

Lore: A legend springing from Muscogee Creek Tribe roots, it is described as a river monster that hissed and bellowed. It was said to be seen sunning itself on river banks or swimming deep in the waters of the river, moving like a dolphin. The creature was described as not aggressive, but defensive, attacking and sinking boats if approached and threatened.

Hopkinsville Goblins/Kelly Little Green Men

Stats:

Origin: Kentucky, US; first sighted 1955 in Hopkinsville, KY

Size: 2-4ft

Description: silver-green, large pointed ears, claw-like hands, yellow glowing eyes, spindly legs

Abilities: bullet-resistant, floating/flying, claws, extraterrestrial, travels in groups

Lore: First sighted in 1955 in the small town of Hopkinsville, KY, they were thought to be “space goblins.” They attacked a local farmhouse for a period of about four hours with dozens of witnesses. The families involved also talked about lights in the sky preceding the incident. Police reports detail scratching to the outside of the house, but no other on-scene evidence. It is reported that the creatures returned to the same house in the early morning hours, and the family living there then packed up and left! The intention and origin of the “goblins” are unknown.

The winner, declared by Jeremy, is...
The Hopkinsville Goblins!!!!!

via GIPHY

THEORIES ON WHAT THEY ACTUALLY COULD BE...

Altie: big ol' fish or prehistoric pal?

The consensus is generally that the Altamaha-ha is a misidentified animal, most likely a sturgeon. Another popular theory is that it is a long-surviving plesiosaur much like the Loch Ness Monster and numerous other sea serpent-esque cryptids across the world. Look at these guys!

The Goblins...it's a bird?

Overwhelmingly, the theory on these guys is that they are, yes, birds. Barn owls or great horned owls to be specific. And Jeremy raised the valid points: they fly, they have huge glowing eyes, they have claws. And look at how scary they are when they’re all coming atcha like…

Barn Owl